Journey into a world of discovering who I am

So far

2009-11-10T12:18:00.000-08:00

I have been having such a wonderful time these past few days , that I'm afraid of what's in store for me.

Wednesday, 4th of November-It started on my birthday. Being so far away from home, it was close to what I wished for. I flew to Wellington and drove from Wellington to Palmerston North. Stopped at this lingerie shop and bought four bra's off the rack, without even trying them on. Come on, that's something to shout about for me. At least! :)

Thursday- I was taken to Mt. Ruapehu, where for the first time, I touched, felt, slept on snow. Its not at all what I expected, you always have this feeling that its soft and smooth, no, its just shaved ice. Hard,sharp and coldddddd. :) Still I enjoyed myself. I didn't have enough jumpers or even socks, so my toes and fingers took sometime to actually feel better!

Friday- I met up with my friend Liv, who invited me to her house for some drinks and fireworks, I also invited Katrina to come. We had some drinks, and some fun. We then went to a club and danced to Dubstep, I think this was the first time, that I really let my hair down and just danced, without any worry about who's looking at me, what was I wearing, etc... I had a good time!

Saturday, Sunday, Monday - My lips are sealed. But I had a fabulous time.

Tuesday- I couchsurfing with Donna, someone I hosted in Malaysia back in April with her daughter Bobbie, whom Im going to flat with in Christchurch come the following week. I had to meet Donna, because she left such an impression on me. Donna lives with her friend of 30 years Geraldine, in this beautiful house, with such a lovely garden and the beautiful dog-Jimmy. Donna drove us to Raglan, I didn't bring my camera, and her camera was broken, so for the first time, I stood there and just went ooh, and ahhh, and just being mesmerized by the beauty that was in front of me. I loved every second of it. And then the camera worked! :) I took only 15 pictures, which is a record for me! We then went to the shops around Raglan, which was so artsy and hippy, and I wish I had more money to just shop, but Im trying to stop this addiction I have to buying things, right now!

After all that, we went up to Bride Veils Falls, and it was simply majestic. I honestly, saw some beautiful things, in just a day! I am so grateful *again* to have all these experiences. Im still at Donna's and loving it, we had such a nice dinner last night...and tonight will be my last day. Im getting over this whole attachment thing I have (or think ) with leaving people. Im happy and appreciate every moment spent with them, and I will leave wanting to exprience more of that, but I aint gonna cry.

I will be cooking for them tonight. Lets hope I dont screw it up big time, which I am capable of!

2009-10-16T02:06:00.000-07:00

Another One Bites The Dust.

2009-10-16T02:02:00.001-07:00

Another One Bites The Dust.
In Loving Memory of Andrew Chow Kit Mun

It was the beginning of a normal day and I expected it to end as it would and had like all the other days, since Im in a routine already.

Except, I received a text message at 4pm “Andrew has gone to God today”. Andrew has been my brother Kave’s best friends since they were 14. Men usually have friendships that last a lifetime, I guess, this wasn’t one of them.

Andrew had been such a good friend to both my brother and I. He was always so fun to be around , always doing crazy stuff, cracking jokes, and most of all, he spoke with an Indian accent. We called him a chinaman who spoke like an Indian.

I truly, truly cannot see the justice in taking an 18 year old’s life. Its so cliché to say that he had his whole future ahead of him, but its true. How can someone think that he has the right to take away another life? Without thinking of the predicament his family and friends will be put through when his life was taken away from him. Andrew did not die of a disease, or an accident. He was stabbed, went into a coma and then died. Its truly unfair, but nobody ever said life was fair, I understand that, but I cannot cannot see the justice in this.

I also don’t understand why I’ve had to go through the death of two people whilst being here in New Zealand. What are the lessons that I am going to learn from this? I wonder, Im still learning.

My heart goes out to Andrew’s family and his friends. He meant a lot to so many people and he will be missed so dearly.

An overdue post

2009-10-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

My overdue entry.

I believe that it has been more than a month since I put up an entry. The reason being I was feeling simply dejected, angry, alone and to put it simply miserable. The series of events that occurred while I was trying to look for a job, just lead me to lose more of my savings, feel angry at my “employers” and my situation. While I was in Malaysia, I felt so much anger in my job that I hated feeling that way. Feeling like I was so easily controlled by situations in my life, and feeling like I didn’t have any control over my emotions, especially the negative ones.

I am happy to state that I feel better now. As much as I don’t want to be a materialistic person, and as much as I want to have flowers in my hair, walk barefeet, wear pre-loved clothes, live on the smallest budget ever, we all need money. I was living in this world that made me believe that I could live without it, but unfortunately, I cannot. My only hope is that money doesn’t rule me or my feelings.

I have been working as an au-pair for the past month in Auckland. I live in with the family, my boss is a nice person, but she has mood swings and that’s the only thing I cannot tolerate. The kids are five, three and two. The five year old is a beautiful child, and almost obedient, the second one who is three, is a clever but most of the time stubborn girl but still is very loveable, the youngest one is a two year old and behaves like one. She cant talk just yet, so all she does is repeat after her older sisters and wants me to carry her all the time, she looks like Shiloh (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s daughter). I love the kids, and I might do this for a while, except the pay is almost nothing.

I never felt homesick until a week ago, and I think it was because I didn’t have enough friends, as soon as I started working I quit my social life, which was a mistake. I decided to stay at home when I wasn’t working. I made it a point to meet my friends, the ones I met in Blenheim. We had a cookout, talked a bit, and I felt instantly better. I guess that brings me to another lesson, you think you can do this alone (Im referring to life) but you cant. You need people around you, at least, that’s what I think for now!  I could at anytime change how I feel about that.

I am also feeling a little better because I now spend sometime with a new friend. That friend buys and sells cars online. I help with that, by driving together to different cities and then back to Auckland. So far, Ive been to Te Puke, Dargaville, Whakatane, Paeroa, Waihi, and today we were in Palmerston North, Napier and currently in Gisborne. I love being on the road, sleeping in the car, pulling over to have lunch by the forest reserve. It reminds me of my father, everytime he drives, I can feel his passion for the road and his love for cars, I still wish my dad was able to do this trip with me, but I guess, we are keeping it on hold for now.

I am glad that things are finally looking brighter for me and that I’ve started to relax and live life a little, which was the whole point of leaving Malaysia.

Unpredictable

2009-09-11T03:53:00.000-07:00

I left Blenheim at 12.45 pm to Picton, met up with Tessa my ex-host in Picton, and traveled to Auckland with two of my friends. So many things have happened since I last updated my blog. I was told to work in a restaurant, but my manager refused to pay me minimum wages, or even BELOW minimum wages. She probably thought I was a dumb person that she could easily cheat and manipulate. I worked 61 hours and she only paid me 100. Little did she know, Ive already filed a complaint with the labour department and that's she messing with the wrong force.

Im now in Auckland. Ive never sat in a bus for such a long time, ever. We rode in the ferry for about four hours, had dinner in the Railway Station in Wellington and we journeyed from Wellington to Auckland from 7.30pm to 6.30 am. Thank God, I met a young lady from Auckland and we were busy chatting when we both couldn't fall asleep. I'm traveling with Kumar and Douglas my ex-housemate from Blenheim.

Traveling with people is something that I can't really deal with. I cannot deal with the indecisiveness, the comments, the weird arrangements. I think Im better suited traveling alone.

So far, Auckland hasnt been kind. Or maybe, its just me. As soon as we got down, it started raining. Then the bus driver started a strike which caused the buses to be delayed for THREE hours, and then finally I heard the bad news from Deniece. That Sooban this young guy who worked with me in the Careline, passed away in an accident. He was only 20. I could'nt believe it, and still am in shock. We both never did see eye-to-eye, because he was too childish, but I know he didnt mean any harm. Not only did it shock me, but it made me question life. Why does these things happen? They say there is a reason for everything, but I can't seem the answer to this puzzle.

My heart and well-wishes goes out to his parents, family and his close friends. He surely is going to be missed.

Rest In Peace, Sobaan.

Photos

2009-09-05T20:06:00.000-07:00

Im trying my hand out with photoshop and hopefully it becomes better one day.

My first tip.

2009-08-31T06:08:00.000-07:00

After spending some time in the kitchen, my boss decided I would be better off as a hostess. I spent both Sunday and Monday (today) doing it on my own. I only served 6 customers, but it was very memorable, as with most first things I think. However, these are the memories I want to remember. I choose to remember.

Russ comes in everyday to eat in our place, he loves the food. He spent some years in Malaysia and Singapore. Yesterday he had his dog watch him from outside in the car, and I being the dog lover I am, asked if I could have a look, he took out his car keys, handed them over to me and asked me to not let the dog out but I could give it a pat. Now, I don't know about other people, but I would not have done that. I may one day! :) He came in today and we talked about TV 3 in the 1980's.

Russ isnt the highlight of the day. It was this curly haired gentleman and his wife. It was their first time to the restaurant and they asked me to recommend something. I recommended Rendang for the man, and Chicken Stir fry for the lady. While taking their orders, I struck up a conversation with them and mentioned that its my first time doing this kinda job and he mentioned that I looked very happy doing it. I didn't notice that, but I was enjoying my job. I said, yes, I like people and this is something I liked doing. He said, yes, as long as you have happy customers... I served their food, and he helped me out with the plates. I thanked him. When he paid his bills, he took my hands together and gave me a $5 dollar bill and said, I want you to remember that no matter how many nasty customers you get, you will get good ones", I thanked him profusely.

It wasn't the money itself that touched me, but the gesture. He made me feel like I was important , I made part of his eating out with his wife. It wasn't necessary,but he did it. I cry as I write this because he made me feel important, and that my existence mattered.

(My boss is not a New Zealander, and therefore has very autocratic, self-righteous and repetitive behaviour patterns and that's why I feel shitty most of the time at work!)

Read this and give a tip to the next person who makes you happy! :)

A day in the life of a wannabe cook

2009-08-27T05:29:00.001-07:00

I started work two days ago in the restaurant, the first day I did cleaning which included mopping the floors of the kitchen (i must add that I never mopped my floors in my apartment in Melati, neither have I helped my mom's language centre-she must be laughing right now!), washing LOADS of dishes, pots and pans, and helping the main cook. I did the same yesterday and was upgraded today. I was told that I would be helping with the cooking and if possible I will be one of the cooks.

Now, I do like cooking, but to be in charge, now that was so bloody overwhelming. So for two nights I was very anxious and scared about this thing Im about to undertake.

Today I was put on the spot, I was told to cook a vegetable dish for lamb cutlets. I did it, and I waited for the plate to come back, it came back empty. My first try-out was kind to me! I also made a sundae and that was a lot of fun..

So after working in a vineyard and a farm, Im now in a restaurant, and although its a bit nerve wrecking and tiring, its much more educational and I am finally enjoying myself.

Dreams come with a price

2009-08-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

I am sitting on my fours and clearing up weeds from an onion. Its organically grown and that is why they don’t use pesticides to kill them weeds. Instead they use humans to do this manually. Now, it’s a no-brainer job, but it is hard, so very hard. I am beginning to think that I am really not suitable for farm or outdoor jobs, but I am the one who came here with the intention of doing things differently. I didn’t want a standard 9-5 job where I had to sit my lazy butt down for 8-9 hours. Well, I had my butt up in the air for about 7 hours today..and I did not like it after 1 hour. I have almost come to a conclusion that I am mentally unprepared to be a traveler, no wait, Im not in any way prepared to be a traveler, here I am with a chance so many people would give an arm for and I am screwing it up bigtime. I don’t understand how I can be so nonchalant when my savings is depreciating. If I don’t get a job soon, my money will only probably last me another two months and that was definitely not in any of my plans, to leave, to QUIT after four months.

I spoke to my friend Kumar in Blenheim and he is working in a restaurant now, he wants me to try it out if I can cook…because he works in an Asian Restaurant run by Fijians…now, I know my cooking skills are pretty limited to stir-fries, tomyam, glass noodle salad, but I think I could give it a go.

I am beginning to think that I am bipolar, look at the sudden change of emotions, totally negative to a sudden positive, yeah it beats me, I mean, I am trying this whole thing about being positive la di da…so maybe that’s why. Whatever it is, I am trying my very very best to keep the negativity out, coz right now I am feeling very angered, disappointed, cheated and all things negative. So if I try to calm my nerves and be a little positive I may look forward to leaving Hastings tomorrow…

Lack of internet

2009-08-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

So im finally in a kampung, which will explain my non-existence in the cyberworld, which is kinda what Ive been looking for anyways!

But Im alive.

Wellington

2009-08-13T03:55:00.000-07:00

This is what I have done in Wellington

Nothing.

Except see the whole of Te Papa Museum, which is just simply awesome. I loved it. So entertaining, educational and just loads of fun.

I met Ed, after what seemed like ages, he looks so different, but feels the same. I am so happy that I get to see him so early in my journey.

He cooked such a delicious meal last night,and I am impressed.

Today I just decided to sleep in and use the internet, I dont know if bringing my laptop was such a good idea, after all. hahahaha.

Dinner tonight was homemade Pizza-vegetarian of course, no one eats meat in this house, and I LOVE IT!

Although I spent my days indoors today, i get a whole view of just hills and greenery and its alright to take a break once in a while, I am on holiday, after all.

Love ya'll.

Pictures as promised

2009-08-12T15:44:00.001-07:00

P for Productive, Picton and Pussy.

2009-08-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

I never knew I would have so much fun on my own in PICTON. Yes, in Picton. Well, I arrived on Monday at about noon, they say that the ride is 30 minutes, but its only about 20 minutes, my first bus ride and it was quite different, the bus driver is also like a commentator and he tells you where the journey starts, what we pass by and a little bit about our destination.

My host Tessa, picked me up, well,let me re-phrase, she was kind enough to take my bags, give me her keys and allow me to wander about. I decided to go to the iSite for more information.

Now to those who are unfamiliar, iSite is Godsent for wannabe travelers like me. Its an information center for tourists, backpackers, locals and you can do anything and everything for your journey in these centers. Without paying them! I go in here and tell them I want to see Picton without spending ANY money. Picton is known for its cruises, to Queen Charlotte, etc, etc... I have two options trekking to Bob's Bay and also Esson's Valley for the following day.

So, I got a map and asked for directions, I was told I could trek to Waikawa Bay, and I thought hmmm..let's just try that. Well now comes P for Pussy. I started walking at about 2pm, and I think I gave up about 3-4 times. Until I started seeing how beautiful the surroundings were I was just waiting to be in bed sleeping or being on the Internet.

The view. The only thing that I could think of at that moment was, The Creator, did spend some extra time with New Zealand. I shared my sentiment with my host and she added that after creating all the other countries, and leaving New Zealand and Australia the last and decided to just keep throwing some more goodies..I totally agree.

I was speechless and its not even Kaikoura or Milford Sounds. I need to expand my vocabulary when I see those places!

Well, I walked and saw all these lovely sights, came to Waikawa Bay, spent a nice one hour chatting to Rama on the phone and while doing that, I saw a seal, it looked back at me, and swam back into the water. First animal that didnt look threatening.

I walked back home and was greeted by my wonderful host (i really do need to expand my vocab!), she cooked spaghetti over creamed vegetables and had some conversations.

I slept with my hot water bottle and it was by far , the best night sleep ever in New Zealand.

My host was gracious enough to send me off to Essons Valley and from there I started my trek to Humpries Dam, I did try to look for the Lookout point, but couldnt find it and decided to go to the Dam. The journey was about 1 1/2 hour, and the view was suprisingly nice. :) Understatement.

It was beautiful.

I have tons of pictures on the walk back, as Ive decided to let my eyes and ears and feelings play more of a role than my camera. During these walks, I have been feeling an immense sense of gratitude. I am not sure if its because I am in New Zealand, or its simply because I am capable of experiencing what I am going through.

I am yet to find out..

I leave to Wellington, where I am set to have fun,fun,fun with Ed.

Goodbyes again

2009-08-09T04:19:00.000-07:00

I will be leaving Blenheim tomorrow. I think I am really looking forward to being in a different place. I have been here for almost 3 weeks and for a good one week, I did not do anything but sleep, eat well and mingle.

In the course of the 3 weeks I have been here, Ive made such good friends. I met Vani who is a very upbeat and lively young lady, but is currently the opposite as she got her work permit declined. I met Kumar who has a work permit, but no job. Its funny how being in a different country brings people together. I would have run as fast as I can if I heard the voice of an indian. But I actually liked their company every moment and looked forward to meeting them almost everyday. I will surely miss all of them when I leave, but I have a feeling I will meet them later.

I also got the oppurtunity to eat rice with Rasam (indian herb soup!) and sambar (lentils with vegetables). Aunty cooks vegetarian food on Tuesdays and I was invited, It was by far the best food I had...of course, until yesterday where Uncle (my houseowner) cooked fresh pasta with vegetables over Gado Gado Sauce, damn....i was speechless throughout the meal, and me being speechless is not a usual thing! :)

I will be on my way to Picton for two nights I am couchsurfing there! And then I will be leaving to Wellington on Wednesday, where I will meet with Ed. I am super excited to see a familiar face! Yay!

The uncomfortable truth

2009-08-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

Since I got to Blenheim, I've been having this itching to find myself someone. I signed up in two online dating sites, kept my eyes peeled for some guys but still haven't gone to a pub. I kept telling my friends here that I wanted to meet someone just cause I wanted to flirt a little and feel the excitement of meeting someone new.

I now know the reason.

I have been learning so much about myself that its to a point uncomfortable. Of course being in denial is a better option, because when you are faced with something so truthful and you do not want to accept that it is you. That you are capable of doing something or having such an attitude that you feel unacceptable.

So, that's why I welcomed the idea of "searching, hunting down" a man, because he would be my distraction.

I quote a book I am reading right now "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood. " By being drawn to people with problems that need fixing, or by being enmeshed that are chaotic, uncertain, and emotionally painful, you keep from focusing on your responsibility to yourself, We often do not really know who we are and being embroiled in dramatic problems keeps us from having hold still and find out".

This was EXACTLY my situation.

I didn't want to find a man because I wanted to. I am happy being single. I am happy that finally I am able to look at myself inside and do the exact soul-searching I need to do this for myself.

For this, I have vowed to keep looking inside, making me feel more uncomfortable about the truths that I am discovering, and always push the thoughts that are familiar to me.

If you find yourself being like me....I urge you to read Women Who Love Too Much

Moving on

2009-08-02T21:14:00.000-07:00

This week marks my one month being away from home. I don't particularly miss home, I miss the people. :)

I've been in Blenheim for 2 weeks already. Worked for a few days, stopped and then worked again, and then of course I got fired.

I've called a potential employer and might get re-employed on Wednesday. In the meantime, I went to a Soup Kitchen and will start to volunteer tomorrow, just what I need to get back to checking my feelings. I have been all over the place in my head and I know this just what I need right now.

This will be my last week in Blenheim, I am going to leave for Hastings this Monday and will stop in Picton for 2 nights, and Wellington for 3 nights and then arrive in Hastings. There I will work for a pack house. I hope all goes well.

In the meantime, I am feeling much better about myself...I am taking it positively as a sign to move on and learn from my mistakes!

Can't wait to go back on the road.

Work pictures and views

2009-07-30T20:22:00.000-07:00

1) The rows of trees, usually about 150-200
2) The tree itself in its full glory, my job is to trim either 2/3/4/5 cans-a.k.a branches in layman term, and the wrap it on the wire and tie it securely.

3) The perks of the job- working in the beautiful beautiful surroundings of New Zealand.

Journey of a wimp

2009-07-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to achieve what I came here for. Discovery of self. I learnt that I am not as strong as I think I am and maybe will never be strong. I think about my wonderful mother and remember the strength she has to overcome so many difficulties she had in life and I wonder if I ever will have half the amount of strength she has.

It came to me as a big reality slap *yes Rama I had that here and you there* and as predicted I fell down hard and reacted as I thought I would. Working in the vineyard WAS not easy. I had to deal with waking up at 6 in the morning, dealing with the cold weather, no toilets, no breaks (as you want to finish up as much as you can), standing 9 hours, and the pain your hands go through after using the secateur. (will include pics soon).

I remember being so afraid of going to do this work last week, I think I wasn’t afraid of the task itself, but the probability of me letting down myself. I preached about wanting to do something and feel what others have felt, but I couldn’t go through it. What brought me down was not the task of trimming and wrapping but the fact that I could not be as fast as the others.

What the contractors did was immediately increase the number of cans, so the first 2 days I had two cans, but third day three cans and finally (fourth and final) I had four cans. Now how the hell am I supposed to improve if I am not given time and room for improvement. ( I sure as hell hope this is no excuse).

I was told to leave after many chances given by the contractors. I woke up today feeling miserable and most importantly defeated, I felt so whipped and down. Because I was not who I thought I was. I had to get SO MUCH motivation and pushing from my roommate Amy before I got my sorry ass off the bed and dressed for work. While working I left my task so many times trying to procrastinate. By the end of the evening I did what I was supposed to do…but I do not think I left as a winner.

When I first joined SCICOM, three years ago, I thought I was going to be the first to leave. I left after three years. While working in the vineyard, I contemplated and asked myself what the hell was I doing here, I hated the job of trimming and wrapping and I was doing exactly what I did in Malaysia. Did I come all the way here to repeat my mistakes?

No.

I will be on the lookout for more jobs tomorrow and if nothing works out for me in Blenheim, I am moving up north.

The whole point of this blog today was to put in words the defeated, rejected and miserable thoughts I have been feeling. I really hope I learn much more about strength, patience and hopefully overcoming procrastination.

A day in the life of a labourer

2009-07-23T17:16:00.000-07:00

This is taken from my diary (edited-definitely)

I had probably one of THE most frustrating days of my entire life. This is what I had to do. Now, the grape (plant/tree) has a few cans (what we layman term as branches) we have to trim the cans and after trimming wrap 2 or 3 cans unto the wires below it and on top of it, depending on the number of cans. Now, it is not hard to do, but having said that it does take time to understand the mechanics of doing it. I took the WHOLE FREAKING day to complete one miserable line that consists of about 120 trees. The more experienced people completed one row in about 1 hour and 30 minutes. What was so frustrating was I kept comparing myself to those who had more experience and I know it was a thing I had always done in my life and I have to bloody channel it in a more positive way but yeah I should say I am still trying.

Now, I went back to work the following day. By the way, when I got up from sleep that night I couldn’t grip anything until I did some hand exercises and put my hands in warm water, then I could move it without feeling any pain or restriction. I decided in the night, I was going to double up my game and work my butt off, and that is just what I did. I finished nearly 300 trees, making it 2 ½ rows. I was told to buck up the following day! As the training period is only two days and I had to perform on the 3rd day.

I went to work yesterday, and was given 3 cans to do, and I had never done it before. I was told by the Supervisor to wait for his instructions. I waited and he never arrived, so I trimmed the whole row and waited, still no sign of him. So I started doing it from how other people were doing it. I spent a good 3 hours, and this Korean and Taiwanese guy came up to me to tell me I was doing it all wrong. I did HALF the row already! I felt so extremely disappointed that I had to re-do the line and complete the line and then go to the next line. I was so affected by this that I decided to sit down and have my lunch, this was the only thing that reminded me of my work in SCICOM. How miserable I used to feel when I had a bad customer. Finally, after having my sandwich, I went back and spent the next good 4 hours re-doing the whole line.

As it turns it, that’s not good enough an excuse and I was fired yesterday. However, this lady I’m with right now (Amy) talked to the manager and came up with a plan, for me to do the trimming and she the wrapping, but in order to do so, I had to write a letter and say that I will not demand for minimum wages, now if I do that, (which I have almost half done, I wrote the letter but didn’t pass it to him yet), I think I am being cheated, because I did perform on the second day, well, I’m not going to care about that for now. I will when I have to.

We are to do 1000 trees a day. So I went to work feeling angry that this people are trying to cheat me out of my energy and “labour”. This time it was a different supervisor. She wanted to see us trim and wrap 80 plants in an hour. That’s a damn joke, no one can do that. Of course, things worked out my way. It RAINED. So heavily, that we all had to go home.

What Amy and I did was, stay back. We waited for everyone to leave and then continued trimming the whole line of trees and pushed the wires back, she already completed about 20 trees, so we only had to wrap 60 trees in an hour tomorrow, that is not difficult to achieve and we’re confident to do so. 

All I can say is, it’s not easy. I know and I understand life has never been easy but I can almost say I know how it felt for my ancestors working in the estates, however, this cannot be compared to that, never, but I almost know how it feels.

Fearing Hard Labour

2009-07-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

I reached Blenheim at 9 pm and met my now roommate almost immediately after I reached. I then came home and was introduced to everyone. An Indonesian guy-Abang Iwan, cooked Nasi Goreng and offered me a good serving. It might have just been the best Nasi Goreng I’ve had! Damn, the things that I miss back home. I immediately gelled with all the housemates, especially our fellow brethrens the Indonesian guys. Today I went to meet our future employer (I hope) with Robin. I start work tomorrow at 7am. I will be doing part of Pruning, my duty would be trimming and wrapping.

Now, please bear in mind, I have a huge fat AND lazy ass. I am Indian and if you remember the Russell Peter’s Joke about Indians working as labourers, you’ll get an idea of what I am trying to get at. Now, I have NEVER in my life worked outdoors, the first time I’ve ever done anything close to that was working with Lynette and Kevin and I know for a fact, that is NOTHING compared to what I am going to experience tomorrow. Now the company gives everyone a trial of two days and if you can meet the target you get to stay otherwise, you’re better of working in Mc’donalds (quoted the boss!). I am terrified. I am so freaking scared of what I am about to get at tomorrow. I am so scared, I will get so emotional and go through a bloody nervous breakdown or something.

I am doing this to build character! I need to know what hardwork is in order to understand and be a better person. How can I tell people what I did in a call center was difficult? Compared to what I am going to be doing hopefully till the end of September?

I will keep this updated. I will be picked up from Countdown tomorrow at 7 am and will be back by 6pm, I am not sure of when I’ll get to be online but I hope soon.

 Be happy you’re not in my shoes, now. 

Lesson One: The awkwardness of Goodbyes.

2009-07-23T17:11:00.000-07:00

I am writing this from my rented room in Blenheim. I do not have any internet access here and internet as usual is expensive here. I have already spent two nights here and I am thankful the owner of this house, only wants me to pay rent starting from Monday-tomorrow. I am thankful. There are about 6 rooms in this house and all of them are occupied by guys, 4 from Indonesia, 1 Korean, 1 Chilean and 1 Colombian and the owner who is an Indian Malaysian man. I share the room with a Couchsurfer that I have been in contact with for a few months now.

I got a ride from a couchsurfer from Christchurch to Blenheim, the view supposedly on the way is an amazing thing to see, but we left town when it was about to get dark, so I missed out on that. I am hoping to do sometime when I get back to Christchurch. I can’t believe when I left Lynette’s house, I almost cried. I think I am still that 10 year old that always cried when my grandparents left our house in Muar and went back to theirs in Kedah. Every time I say Goodbye to someone I feel so choked up and always end up in tears. I don’t understand why I am such an emotional person. It’s not like I hate it, but it lets my guard down and shows people my soft side which is what I don’t quite like doing, but wait a second, why should I even care what people think of me?

My main reason for this trip was SELF DISCOVERY. Believe me; I have learnt so much already just being outside of my own home in 2 weeks than I ever have staying at home comfortably for the last 3 years. One thing I must learn to get over is saying Goodbyes, I think I will never be able to do it without feeling emotional, but I should be looking forward to seeing those people and feeling positive about it, and not negative. That’s my hope.

A traveller

2009-07-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

I think I am finally doing it. It still feels very surreal to me, but of course because I had a great host, I decided to go into my shell and become comfortable in doing pretty much nothing, yeah so I painted and helped with the shelves for a bit, but that's not really hard labour, eh?

So today, at the spur of the moment, well I saw that a lady was offering a ride from Christchurch to Blenheim, and will be back on Sunday, and at that time, I was on the seasonal website and there were jobs for pruning and re-packing in Blenheim, so I thought, hey, this seems like a mighty good idea.

I immediately emailed her, as I didnt have any credit and she said yes. So now Im packing my bags and Im ready to go to Blenheim in two hours. I am still in disbelief that Iam doing this. Im playing the role of a traveller, one who does things at the spur of the moment. Iam very happy and grateful for this oppurtunity.

Im not sure how the internet connection is going to be in Blenheim. But let's see. Till then! :) LIVE LIFE.

Family time

2009-07-16T02:05:00.000-07:00

Travis and me
My wonderful host Lynette and Narna the lovely

My fat ass

I woke up late as usual, I’ve been having difficulties trying to sleep, Im not sure if its because of the time difference, or just because I’ve been so lazy!

My host is so nice to me, that I’ve become very complacent with everything, which includes trying to look for a job. So today, I woke up in the afternoon, because I

slept so late, I slept at 4.30am because I chatted with Rama, my sister Yogee, and My mom. I had a good time, pretty awful that my webcam is bloody playing up. It was funny to chat with Yogee without a microphone or speaker, so that was a nice way to wind up the night or should I say morning.

I woke up at 12pm and met Narna the child of Lynette’s ex-student. Lynette has had about 150 students stay in her home and some of which have become close friends with her and the family. Narna is the loveliest 10 (soon to be 11) year old I’ve met. She is so friendly, smart and genuine. It’s nice to see youngins having this sort of attitude, its amazing. She has been brought up well. So we went out for lunch in South City Mall, I had Chinese fried rice with fried vegetables, it was alright, but could have been better of course. And later we went bowling, now, normally I would have said NO, which I did try, but Lynette said, I should just join, of course, I scored the least, but I had fun. Then we tried that machine to get some sweets of out if, it was filled with mini bars of Mars and Bounty, of course we spent about $6 but only got two sweets. BUMMER!

We then went to Lynette’s parents house and I immediately felt at home. They were so nice and exteremely warm and hospitable people, I felt so at ease, and in that instant I knew I wanted to come back and see them for sure, they are just lovely. Her mom and dad both will turn 70 in December and have been married for 50 years. YES, you heard that right, married for 50 years! That’s just incredible! Her mom still sews to keep busy, and I think that is how we should live. Doing things that we are passionate about. I hope I will be like that when I grow old, I sure don’t want to be whining about growing old, but enjoying every moment being alive and that’s what both of them exuded, just so much passion for LIFE. I loved it.

My firsts

2009-07-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

Blog is updated due to my friends who are just tooo busy to write to me and ask me "what's up". Ok, I think its a good idea, though a little cliche.Since I've left Malaysia, I have been writing in my journal, that I bought specially for this trip and yes those pages are being filled, which I like..but maybe that's because I don't have much to do.

So what have I been up to? There is only one term to sum it all up, MY FIRSTS. Im experiencing so many firsts here..Its mind blowing and Im loving the experiences. I truly do.

Firstly, Im so BLOODY grateful for meeting my current host, I have been here for about 9 days and she hasnt kicked me out, and is okay with me staying for a total of 2 weeks, now where can one get this treatment? I must have done something good in my past life. :) I have a nice bed, (that can be shared!hah!), wonderful food and the best is the company, i feel like Im still with my family, only different!

Today we went to a town called Ashburton, and we had to put up shelves for their Bakery department, of course being me, I didnt even go near that, I did a lot of peeling, packing, and unpacking and throwing away rubbish. So I worked for about 9 hours in the storeroom of Countdown (our version of Tesco/Giant), and it was so sad to see them throw away Cadbury, Ferrero Rochers, bottles of Lotion, man I wish I could have taken some, of course, I didnt want a criminal conviction the second day of the job. :) After that was a one hour ride back to Christchurch and a lovely meal of hot fries and corn fritters for me.

The day before, the ride to Ashburton was simply magnificient, I was wide awake ( a bit suprising for me) and because it was a frosty day, the mountain top was filled with snow, and we passed by this..it was just so beautiful and still very surreal.. of course, I didn't bring my camera with me, being the very hardworking worker I am! So the following day, I did bring my camera, but it was such an awful day, in terms of picture taking, it was so cloudy, the mountain couldn't even be seen! Talk about perfect timing! We also had this great meal in the very warm Robbie's in Ashburton...I have to admit,I've been eating more eggs in the last 9 days than I would have back home!! But tht's because tofu is so difficult to find and vegetarian restaurants are a bit scarce.

Once I got home, I was lucky my host was happy enough to help me configure the internet and that's probably the reason why Im still not asleep and its almost 3am now! Im so freaking tired,but mom missed me I think and wanted to chat with me some! Sacrifices, the small ones that I can afford to make. Something interesting happened, after having dinner, at about 9, we were having tea ( Lemon tea-yum/yum), and suddenly I felt a wave in myhead, it was like a sudden headache, then Lynette pointed to the wall and said the picture was moving, and that it was an earthquake, we just laughed it off. True enough we watched the news and there was a 6.6 earthquake.

Now, what is puzzling is the fact that these things occur when you least expect it to and you are caught off guard, not only is that puzzling, but bloody scary. Now, I would be sleeping like a log at 2pm, sometimes, so talk about saving my life? And running? great, I'd be the first to give up ! I can't and don't even want to imagine how it feels to be in that situation.

Now, I hope this is good enough for my first blog entry and interesting enough! Let's see.

Change is about to come

2009-01-16T20:25:00.000-08:00

I am now dedicating this blog to my journey of self discovery. I intend to lose weight naturally, grow my hair naturally and eat natural, healthy food.

I am 27 years old. Ive been obese all my life. I recently had to go into a hospital because I thought I had some heart problems, turns out to be acid reflux, which can be controlled with proper diet and weight loss. Im about 111 kgs which is about 243 lbs? And Im 5'4. I have a lot of weight to lose, but Im going to preserevere.

I also just shaved my hair because I had got dreadlocks and the dreadlocks were getting a bit too bad for my hair...so Im going to grow my hair naturally.

Feel free to comment, motivate, and give some feedback.

Love.
:)

I want to start swapping!!!!!

2008-05-03T02:20:00.000-07:00

Hi there.

Just stumbled upon this webpage and wow...I cant wait to start swapping too!!!

I would love to swap anything from lingerie{bra-42dd}, books(read), keychains, postcards, bookmarks, souveniors from your country,photographs,stationery,t-shirts!!

Let's start swapping!!!