Friday, November 4, 2016

LOVE YourSELF fiercely

18 years ago if I knew this is how I would dress up , I would have laughed at the person who suggested it. I am pretty sure I would be mad at them because I would have thought that they were joking or being sarcastic. 

Today at 35, just the idea of not being able to wear something because of what someone else thinks or would say, seems ludicrous to me. Sometimes, the criticism comes from your own self and that is something I have been working so hard to deal with, to change that internal dialogue with yourself (myself).

So, when I first saw this dress, I knew it had to be mine. I am in love with the whole sheer trend going on right now and because it is lace, it gives this added sexiness to the entire look. 

I paired this dress with a choker detail bodysuit, a moto jacket and some black boots. I kept my make up very neutral and did not wear any accessories so not to take away the attention from the dress. 

You can also totally rock this look by wearing a slip underneath the dress, or even a bralette and high waisted shorts. 

Dress- Forever 21 Plus (similar)/ Jacket - Forever 21 Plus  (similar) Bodysuit- (similar)/ Boots (similar)

Just a note to add- you change your perspective not only in your fashion sense/ style but in many other aspects of your life. 

Today I celebrated my birthday and for the most of last week I was extremely excited, I had even already started buying myself gifts since late September, but two days ago, I found it so hard to even wake up and function. I was feeling so depressed and like I did not understand why I was feeling that way. 

I knew the problem lay deeper, I had not done anything to be self-reflective instead I had just been on a high from work, the recent deepavali celebrations and just random stuff. I had a really long conversation with a very knowledgable friend who put things in perspective for me. I am grateful for that, I am grateful to be here at 35 and learning, every single day. So, I may not be perfect and I may not know everything I know that I am a work in progress and that is perfectly okay! 

You know when people tell you to love yourself you think it's some cliche saying and you think maybe you are unloveable but really all I needed was some time to myself. I had been feeling really sad for the things I had done in the past, for the things I have not been able to accomplish and then discrediting myself and just putting myself down. I had to do an inventory and put myself in check, I started to see things clearly. I was not this person my mind said I was, I am a good person, yes there are some mistakes that I have made in the past, but no one is ever free from any mistakes, Also those things shaped me to be who I am today.

So when you decide to love yourself, you love yourself with all the love you can give no matter how shitty you feel, you be there, be kind and gentle and know that nothing is ever permanent. 

Photography @leontannerphoto

I want to say a massive thank you to Leon for taking these amazing pictures in the heat! He works from the UK (london) so give him a shout out if you need your pictures taken. He is absolutely talented and just all round amazing.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

How to Gift yourself the most beautiful presents you deserve

I will be 35 in a month's time. I don't know how many people can relate to this but when you are younger, you are more present with your life than to think about the future, at least it was for me. I rarely ever thought about what would happen in the future. I do that more these days.

Every year, I think of ways to celebrate my birthday. I loved birthdays when I was growing up, but not as a teenager, I remember going through a phase of not wanting to celebrate my birthday at all! I refused to even have cake (and boy do i LOVE cake). A few years ago, when I started learning about loving myself, and consciously doing things that supported that, I celebrated my birthday with gusto! 

This year I plan to gift myself with 35 gifts. I am not sure if I can afford all of this (a girl can only wish) or if I even need this many things, but I am really happy and proud of myself and I cannot think of a better way to celebrate my life- thus far. 

Yes I do understand that a birthday is also more than just buying material stuff but a girl can give herself a treat if she wants to! 

I hope this inspires you to celebrate your birthday or just to go out and give yourself something nice as a pat on the back!






Sunday, September 4, 2016

My breasts and me

I think I only noticed and felt that I had bigger breasts when I was about 13 or 14 years old. I remembered hating them because not only was I usually the fattest girl in the class, I also had the biggest boobs among my class and school mates. 

To add to my frustration, I found it really difficult to participate in sport activities because I felt so uncomfortable. There were times I had to wear two bras very tight ones, to keep them in place when I went to school. I suffered from rashes, and boob chaffing. Those were the easy things to deal with, the harder things, were the constant staring at my boobs, the cat calling and the teasing and worst- the grabbing. 

Growing up with bigger breasts had made me feel so insecure with myself. I had always felt too vulgar and sexy. I tried to always cover myself and I walked with a hunch, so that it would never be in anyone's face. It never helped that my mother would also chime in and say not to show them off, and wear less revealing clothes, looser clothes, so that my breasts would not be noticeable.

To know where this bra set is from
I thought the tormenting and the breasts jokes would ease up when I went to college and started work, but it never did. Men made jokes, women would question me about why are my boobs so big, why does it sag, how does it feel? ...Someone very close to me even asked if I wanted breast reduction surgery, because THEY thought that I was uncomfortable. I realised then that my breasts made other people feel uncomfortable. I used to shy away from v-neck blouses because of how much it made my boobs look like what they were. I wore baggy t-shirts and really mostly dressed in black (did not help that I did love the colour) because I never wanted to offend anyone or worst to turn someone on. 

These things still happen to me, I get cat called, whistled at, stared at, and have also got feedback about how I should start wearing a proper bra, because people have taken the liberty to tell me that my breasts are not where they are supposed to be. 

One thing has changed-the way I view my breasts. You see, I use to feel so ashamed for having larger breasts, I also had friends who told me that no one would pay attention to me if I had smaller boobs and that my boobs made me look like I had a shape when infact to her I did not. I felt that because of how large my boobs were I was " too sexy", that anything I wore would get me the wrong attention. I also felt like they were so saggy, because I could hold a carton of pencils under my boobs, because i read somewhere that if you put a pencil under your breasts and if it fell down then you have the perfect breasts- I didnt.  I also then thought, if I did not have bigger breasts, maybe there was nothing interesting or sexy about my body. 

Link to my bra- Bra Marcepanowa Magnolia

When I look in the mirror now, I do not put my arms up and imagine what my breasts would look like if I had had the reconstructive surgery. I do not pick on my breasts and wish that they were different. I have learnt that yes, they are bigger and because they are bigger they sag, but all that does not make them ugly, and not loveable. They are like any other part of me, a part of me that I love. 

I love them for so many reasons now. They offer comfort, they are sexy, but more importantly because they are part of me. 

Blog pictures taken by the amazing Nunu Van Dijk

 Thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked this style of post, I find it extremely releasing to write something that is close to my heart. Please leave comments if you would like to also read a review on this bra that I am wearing.

A shoutout to my friend the amazing girl who took these beautiful pictures of me!

Friday, August 26, 2016

Handmade luxuries by Love Is

My friends who own  Love is reached a milestone yesterday when they opened their first store right here in Kuala Lumpur. I paid them a visit because that is what friends do! Also, I am 100% behind small businesses - more especially if they are run ethically and owned by women!

Pam and Philo the faces behind Love is

They make every item on their shelves by themselves and are tested by their friends and family (and pets!) What  I love about them is that they put in a lot of work in sourcing out ingredients that are safe and that work on our skin, and also for your pets! When you step foot into their store, actually even before you enter you will smell their amazing handmade soaps and you will see their personal touches throughout the shop, which I really enjoyed. 

If you are into organic skincare and like the idea of products are not made in bulk or in factories, they are worth checking out. 

Masks and scrubs and Pet products 
I have used their French Kiss Scrub and their lipbalm in the past and I cannot wait to try the other things that I got in their store yesterday. I have also got my little Bodhi something for his paws. 

My mini-haul - Jasmine Rice Body Scrub, Watermelon Soap, Lavender and Rose Foot Fizzies, Paws and Toes Balm, and Coconut $ Lime Bar soap. 

They make these beautiful bath bombs, which I am sorely missing out on for the lack of a bathtub, but if you have one or are up for a holiday, go treat yourself, they have a disney princess range and I cannot think of anything more appropriate to treat myself to! 

Here are some clearer pictures from their facebook page. Pam does all the photography and the branding and  her taste is clearly shown throughout the products and their page. 

Disney Princess inspired Bath Bombs

Sworn by some customers! 

Cannot wait to try mine 

Sabrina, Philo and me! :)
You can find them online here Love is and they are located at No.9, The Cubez Store, 2nd Floor, Sungei Wang, Bukit Bintang, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You can also check out their instagram account with the same handle @loveisgifts. 

Hope you liked this post, I enjoyed writing this and can't wait to try everything I got.